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Introduction to Writing to Relax


Hello again family. 

So today will be a little different as I'll be sharing with y'all something that I do when I'm feeling really bad. I call it writing to relax and basically I just write whatever comes to mind. Be forewarned, I usually write at my lowest points, so it can be emotionally heavy sometimes. This is something I wrote today as I was falling asleep at my desk on the back side of a piece of paper. Remember that your writing can be a great tool for healing if you utilize it. Try to write something today. Doesn't have to be much, or be fancy, just get the words out your head on paper and see how it makes you feel. What do you have to lose? 

Today

I'm tired. I'm tired of this job. I'm tired of working. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of life. I wish I were happy, secure, stable, all of the above. I have nothing to look forward to. I guess I'm sad right now. I want to walk out and never come back. I wanna run as fast as I can go. This ain't the life I want for myself. I'm tired of being miserable. I want to be happy.
I'm ungrateful, I know it for sure.
It's just hard to be when this isn't even what you asked for.
I wish I could die without hurting my kids.
Maybe I'll live long enough to be happy again.
Oh, I wish it was as simple as an on and off switch.
Then I could turn on the nice and stop being a bitch.
Most days, I feel like it's the opposite.
I just know I'm getting tired of this sad bitch shit.
This day has been one of the slowest.
This year has been one of the brokest.
Sometimes I hate myself for the decisions that I've made.
Pissed off about the lost time to the people I've gave.
Pain, anger, and pain.
Weighs heavy on my soul and brain.
One day lord I pray I'll be free.
To come and go, do, and be as I please.
Free as the breeze or the space between knees.
Free to be happy, or whatever that means.
Faith, religion, spirituality.
Love, friends, relationships, and family.
Everything from the latter feels so foreign to me.
Don't know if I'll ever understand it.
Or if I'll live my life the way I planned it.
Yeah I want to goddamn it!
Why do I always look to others for my peace?
Why ain't it ever a real piece of me?
Why do I attract so much negative energy?
Especially since I know good and damn well it's killing me, mentally.
Wait for me please.
I won't be a mess forever.
Sit right here and help me get it together.
Storm, sun, wind, any weather.
Love me as heavy as a feather.
Can't you see I'm lost? Lead me to shelter.
Cause today I feel sad.
And it ain't getting no better.


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