Howdy family!
But you didn't come for that. You read the title - and I'm ready to share my story.
Hi, my name is Alexis, and I am addicted to procrastination. Now, this isn't an introduction to a 12-step program but this is an intervention of sorts. I've been listening to Genius Zone by Gay Hendricks on Audible for a few weeks and he talks about how he was addicted to self-criticizing. How can that be? How can you be addicted to something you do internally? Even subconsciously, without even thinking about it. He goes into detail about how addiction stems from a void within us, often time from childhood, and we fill it with different ways to cope. A similar story is told in another audible I started recently, Becoming Supernatural by guru Joe Dispenza. Addiction isn't always to a substance but can be to an action, a feeling, a person, or a habit. We don't think about our addictions to our cellphones and social media, we call it doomscrolling. Or our addictions to unnecessary shopping and spending, we call it retail therapy. Or what about our collective addiction to unfulfilling romantic relationships, we just coined it sneaky links or situationships. The real epidemic is the generational alcoholism that we've rebranded under Happy Hours and Sunday Fundays.
In reflecting on the audiobook's content, I realized that I was addicted to procrastination. I knew what I wanted to do with myself, with my time, and with my family. Like I knew I wanted to write a book, launch my podcast, develop my nonprofit organization, and start a new job. But what steps were I taking daily towards those things? When my granny passed, I thought so much about our last conversation and how she lamented about her spending her life doing what she thought she should be doing versus what she wanted to do. She died without me knowing what her true passions were. In Genius Zone, Hendricks mentions how so many people felt they didn't have time for their passion projects or hobbies. Yet, we spend hours in traffic, hours on our devices, hours binging TV series, and hours drinking and smoking our lives away. This same sentiment is expressed in another self-help audible I'm listening to, Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher. Both books pretty much highlight the same thing: we make time for what we're addicted to. Are you addicted to yourself, your goals, or your creativity? Or rather to the things that you've used to fill voids in your life due to childhood trauma.
My procrastination is flavored with some perfectionism. What can I say? Sorry, I'm a Virgo (not giving up on this!) If I were to guess, I would say that perfectionism began as a response to constant criticism in childhood. So now at my big age, I won't get started on the things I want to do because I doubt or critic the finished product before even beginning. And this all happens within a second. Of course, I'm not telling myself "Oh, your podcast is going to be terrible," It's more so like "I'll get started when I have a better microphone," or "If I had a dedicated team to work with, my ideas could be better executed." But the harsh reality is, I can do great things with what I have now.
I started my blog with a free website domain while working as a temp at the Florida Department of Health. That was almost 6 years ago. I started my IG Boutique with a cheap vendor list and some leftover college refund money. That was almost 4 years ago. I've made do with less my entire life and always came out on top. So what's holding me back now?
Nothing.
I'm not even holding myself back anymore because I'm making the effort to recommit to myself. Recommit to my dreams, my goals, my aspirations. I've decided today and every day to tap into my "Genius Zone", move away from negative thinking patterns and free myself from the illusion of perfection. Even in nature, everything is perfectly imperfect.
Thank you for spending some time with me today. Reflect on where you are holding your genius and innate superpowers hostage. Release any self-imposed limitations and as always, make more love to life!
Until next time,
Cousin Lex
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