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Heading Back to Work


My favorite recent work fit
Howdy family (since moving to Texas howdy has become my favorite greeting).

Today is Saturday and I'm finally feeling well-rested after a week back to work. I know for many of us, Monday or Tuesday was our first day back to work in the last week or even longer. For me, it was two weeks of leave + two weeks of winter break, meaning I hadn't been to work in about a month, so the transition back to into the groove was difficult. 

I've been hearing something similar from so many people in my life. My coworkers, my friends, my boo, hell me, have all been feeling this mental and physical lag in heading back to work. So much so it got me to thinking, in the shower where all my best thoughts come from, why are we all feeling this way? 

The most apparent answer is we were off for some days, fell out of routine, changed our eating/lifestyle habits while we were home. All of these things are probably true. But to me, it was something deeper than just those temporary changes. Coming back to work made me realize, or remember rather, that I dreaded heading to work every morning. An alarm going off at 5:30am literally brings tears to my eyes and makes me consider living off the land. Seriously. 

I often experience this type of existential dread. Thinking about how I'm just a cog in the machine of American capitalism, can sometimes send me into a downward spiral. Ultimately I end up with "I just want to go live in the woods." While that is probably the most extreme solution, why can't I feel freedom in my own life under a roof and with central heating and air? What is the thing that is stopping from feeling that freedom?

Existential dread - a profound, deep-seated psychic or spiritual condition of insecurity and despair in relation to the human condition and the meaning of life. - APA Dictionary


Heading back to work has me thinking about what's really important in my life. It's time with my kids, with myself, freedom to lounge and move slowly throughout the day. I don't enjoy constant deadlines or deliverables. Or just the overall bureaucracy in most workplaces. While I love my students and the connections I make with them and the impact I can see and feel in their lives, I know this cannot be my end all be all. Going even a step further, what would that be?

First day back to work 

An assumption of my generation (Gen Z I guess), is that we don't carry that belief that you're not supposed to like your job. Excuse my language if my grandma is reading, but what the hell do you mean? I'm supposed to get up early every day, commute, work hard for long hours, get paid every two weeks, and be miserable? That sounds like hell on earth to me. Maybe I am a bit of a hedonist, but I truly believe that life is to be enjoyed. What is the purpose of working and being miserable, only to die unfulfilled? This is what fuels my dread, thinking that if I continue on this path of miserably working just because I have to, I will end up wasting my life for someone else. 

So that's exactly what I won't do. I deserve a comfortable life because this is my life. That will come to me. And you deserve that too. So it will come to you. 

Love ya to life! 

Cousin Lex

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