Hey there family! It's me again.
First, can I ramble? Forgive me. I've been binging Sex and the City, so I'm definitely in my Carrie Bradshaw era.
When I was younger, elementary school-aged, I wrote lots of poetry. My 5th-grade reading teacher, Mrs. Latta, gave me a notebook that I would write long-hand poetry almost every day. Mostly, it was just word vomit on a page, but I wrote some pretty decent pieces, too. Unfortunately, I don't have any of my school-aged poetry anymore. Still, I can reminisce on this time in my life in great detail and appreciate my early creativity.
I wanted to write a poem today - and title it Perfectly Imperfect.
But I write blog posts now, so I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you. If you're like me, you've read all the relationship-related think-pieces on Twitter (his mama named him Twitter!) I mean between the 50/50 conversations, red pill podcasts, horror stories of marriage mishaps, and 20v1 video clips, there's enough material out there to make you swear off relationships forever. Many women are these days, and more power to those sisters because I know the dating pool is sewage water right now. But it was on that same infamous Twitter feed that I saw a tweet that inspired me today to write a poem, and then eventually this blog post.
"Loving someone is like moving into a house," the screenshot from a novel read. The author describes how new love is like the move-in stage because you're admiring all the new things and space you have. Basking in the bliss that is a novelty. But over time, you grow to appreciate different things about that house, yet only after you've settled in and made it a home. You grow to love all of its nooks and crannies, the cracks and crevices. You love it more because it's yours, and you have poured time and effort into it. It has become perfectly imperfect to you.
And I think love, when it's right and true, feels just like that. Not like your settling, or making excessive compromises. It will feel like just enough, the Goldie Locks method, if you will. Your quirks and chaos will be just right for that person. They will see you inside and out, and to quote one of my exes "love your dirty drawls." You will eventually bloom in the way that you desire, through love, patience, and acceptance.
Or not.
You know you can grow in love with yourself, too, by the same logic. Once you accept that you have flaws, and learn to appreciate all your own nooks and crannies, you will grow to love them. All those things about yourself that you don't like, deserve to be loved. You are worthy of love in your current state, without any additions or alterations.
If you find yourself unable to love all of you, ask yourself why that is? What's preventing you from accepting yourself fully, the way God loves you? For me, a big change happened when I started treating myself the way I would want my husband to treat me. Softly, with love and grace, with gifts and affection, satisfying all my love languages for myself. And before long, I aligned with my ideal partner, who will do the same for me.
It hasn't been easy, allowing myself to love all parts of me. But it has been deeply fulfilling and overall just inspiring. It’s reminding I'm a boss a** b****, for lack of better phrasing. In all seriousness, letting myself love the parts of me I dislike has opened me up for love to pour in of all sorts.
Let love in your life too, cousin.
Love you always,
Cousin Lex
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