Sometimes the Grass is Greener, but it's Often Fake

Howdy family! 

It truly brings me so much happiness just to be writing to y'all again. Can I clock my tea for a minute? 

As y'all know, I've been on the job hunt crazy the past six months. Over 50 applications done, 5 first round interviews, but only 1 second round. Plenty of LinkedIn posts, new resume with buzzwords, the whole nine yards. With the unsolicited help of an old fling from last year, I landed a job offer at a local nonprofit. Hold before you queue the round of applause, y'all. 

On its surface, it was a hybrid position, matched next year's teaching salary, and offered me crazy-level exposure to the local government and diverse business owners in the area. Being an aspiring entrepreneur myself, I thought this would be a win-win situation. My ultimate goal and main reasoning for even bearing the trials of the job market was to get the H-E-L-L out of the toilet bowl that is education, especially in a charter district. Brings me to today's blog title: sometimes the grass is greener, but it's often because it's fake. Turf takes less to maintain than real grass, but it's evergreen and so pretty. This job is kind of like that. I thought it would be a lower lift than teaching, being as though it's a "hybrid" position. Baby, I thought wrong. I didn't ask the right questions in my interview at all. I realized too late that working here meant I would have to abandon my goal of a sustainable work-life balance. On top of all that, when I got my first paycheck, my take-home pay was less than that of my last two years of teaching!

In what economy, do I want to work longer hours, have a worse commute, and make less MONEY? Besides the offer of a hybrid work schedule is at the discretion of the organization's leader, I realized in week two that I didn't like working with the person who helped me get the job (I never liked him in the first place. Just bored, exploring my options), so I knew I had to get out of here! I know you're probably thinking - "Well, cousin... why did you leave the school in the first place?" Chile, you know it was taking everything in my spirit to get up every day and GO! God himself was driving the car to and fro the building! 

But just because this situation isn't ideal currently, doesn't mean I made the wrong decision. I'm just allowing myself to be done with things, instead of prolonging the experience because that's what I feel like I should be doing. I'm allowing myself to be unemployed and explore real-life options. I've been working since 14 years old. Before I could vote, drive, or even open a bank account, I'd been employed somewhere. And not without reason, I mean I had little Ms. Thang on my hip, with no parental financial support, so I had to make it happen for her. And now that it's me and my two Ms. Thang Thangs, it's even more pressure to perform and be supermom. 

But I can't be supermom if I'm miserable at my job, or if I'm getting home after 6 pm every day, or if I'm leaving the house before the bus to try to beat the traffic. If I'm tired and angsty after a 45-minute commute in the afternoon, don't have the time nor energy for healthy homecooked meals or homework time, or even if I'm not making enough money to stretch through the month. Ms. Thang #1 is starting middle school and I'm already anticipating the fees, honey! Ms. Thang #2 is in gymnastics and y'all already know that ain't no poor man sport. 

My life is going to be non-traditional, I mean look at the past 25 years, it's always been. I allow myself to break the mold and do what I've been wanting to do for months. I want to be free to create in the morning and sleep in the afternoon. I want mid-day walks and early morning yoga. I want to be the bus-stop PTA mom, who goes to every event and knows every teacher by name and extension. I want to be the millionaire mommy mogul that I envisioned myself to be and know that I am at some point in my future. In the words of Athena Cage, "Live your dreams, it's not as hard as it may seem. You gotta work to get the green, on your hopes, you must lean. From your fears, you have to wean yourself. It's all or nothing, give your everything."

 Love you to life! 

 Cousin Lex